Monday, June 6, 2011

3 date rule: trashy or classy?

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about the "3 date rule" and how a lot of women are taking it back, so to speak.  They don't want to be looked at as easy or slutty if they sleep with someone after 3 dates, so they are pushing it back to 3 weeks, even 3 months, before they decide if they want to jump into the sack with someone.

The hosts of course had their own opinions on it, but while I'm listening, I couldn't help but think "3 dates before I sleep with a guy?  Hell, I can't even decide if I want to make out with a guy until maybe 3 dates!"  I'm not judging anyone by any means, but by 3 dates, well yes, I guess I'd be considered quite a prude for not getting naked with someone after 3 dates.  And as one of the hosts pointed out "after 3 dates, you've known/spent time with that person what, like 9 hours total?"

Personally, I've had enough failed relationships make me wait before I get into bed with someone, but it's a personal choice.  Some people think it's stupid, but sex is an intimate thing to me and just because you've bought me 3 meals means I should be putting out?  No thanks.

How about you?  What are your thoughts on the "3 date rule"?

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  1. Hmmmm ... I guess it depends on what kind of a person you are. I've wanted to sleep with some guys after just ONE date, but I never did. I like to wait at least a week or so. It's not the fact that I'm worried about seeming "easy," I'm more worried about THEIR history and whether or not they're "clean," like no STDs.

  2. To be honest, I think timeline (any kind) are kinda lame! Everyone feels things different and things are different from guy to guy. I say sleep with the guy when you want to.. and kiss them when you want. There shouldn't be a timeline on that! If anything, if I really like a guy, I will wait to sleep with them until I know it's actually going somewhere. I need to cover my bases so I don't get hurt.. and I can get attached during sex. No timelines for me.. if anything, it's more of a talk I'm looking for. Maybe that would come in a couple dates or a couple weeks or a couples months. Whatever! It doesn't matter, as long as it happened. :)

    BUT then again... I can get involved pretty fast and I'm sure I will eat all these words if I sleep with a guy before a "talk".. but my intentions are good!

  3. I agree with Lauren in thinking these rules are lame! I think rules like this are made by women based on the perception they think they guy will have of them and not what they really want to do! I sleep with a guy when *I* want to.

    I don't hold myself back because they'd think I'd be too slutty. Any guy who thinks it's slutty for me to sleep with them (and not for them to sleep with me: double standard!), isn't a guy I want to be with anyway! So it's a good way to screen out guys I won't want to be in a relationship with!

    I also don't get naked before I'm ready for fear they'll ditch me if I wait too long. Okay, that's not really a concern for me, but in theory, it's something I believe. And I think some women (or teenage girls) do this sometimes. I can put my money where my mouth is on this one: I made the first guy I slept with wait almost a year before I had sex with him to be sure I was ready (I was 18). I dated the second guy I slept with for about three months before I was ready. But the third guy ... I was ready on the first date and HE said we should wait for the second date. Of course, we had different definitions for sex so by my definition, it happened on the first date anyway. It varied after that, but to be honest, in my adult life, it's been rare for me to make it to the third date without getting naked. With my husband, it was on the second date. And I've never had any regrets about any of it. In all cases, it was when I wanted to and was ready.

    I like sex. I don't really feel the need to wait until I get to know a person all that well. For me, sex is one of the many many ways of getting to know someone I'm interested in. And if it doesn't work out, at least I got some (hopefully) fun naked time in! That's what works for me. It wouldn't work for everyone. And that's another thing I think is stupid about these rules: there's this "one-size-fits-all" mentality. Even if you don't think everyone should follow the same rules, there's at least the idea that everyone should have rules. I think the whole thing is silly. Our culture has some very messed up ideas about sex in my opinion.

  4. I agree with Lauren and Julia. I don't really have any "rules" in my head for timelines - I just go with what feels right, whether it's 1 date, 3 dates, 30 dates or whatever else! It's all about feeling. I've gone 3 dates without even KISSING a guy before.

    I think it's the idea of the rule that is trashy, rather than the particular timeline. I say do away with rules and just go with the flow.

  5. I've never slept with anyone within the first few dates. Simply because it just didn't feel like the right time. Some guys I've kissed and made out with on the first date, some that didn't happen until later. Some there was no physical contact, beyond a hug goodbye maybe, until a few more dates in.

    If you go with what works for you in that particular situation then no one has any right to be judgemental. Dating is tricky and can be complicated enough without having a slew of rules to follow. I too say do away with the rules and do whatever works and feels right for you.